What a bloody mare. My mates fished Orford Ness last Wednesday while I was otherwise disposed. It's half term week and we’re having a new kitchen fitted so the current Mrs Aitch had grounded me during the day. I got texts throughout the day telling me what I was missing, which in all honesty made it difficult for me to look at Mrs Aitch without contemplating bovineicide (that's where you kill the cow). She did say that if I was extra good I could go locally in the evening, I didn't expect to catch as well as those lucky sods but I had to get out and away from the kitchen. Here’s how I did compared to those that fish aquariums..

“Had another around 3lb, we’ve all had nice sized fish now, wish you were here lol” and so the texts went, I even received pictures of prime north sea codling being held up by dopey looking feckwits. Now I don’t mind some leg pulling, but I must admit it was getting me down. Half of the leader lines and WSF forum members were there too it would've been nice to put names to faces. I’m very lucky that Mrs Aitch doesn’t usually complain, but I was cursing my luck that half term, kitchen and to top it all off, shoe shopping, was stopping me showing those numpties how to do it on Suffolk’s best beach.

I was in Norwich shopping for new school shoes for Aidan while they were bagging on Orford. Saddest thing is we only ever get chance to go once or twice a year and here I was missing the first trip and possibly the best trip, still I’d get my own back tonight. I’d planned to go locally to keep my sanity as much as anything else. Steve, a guy who has a holiday home round the corner from me, had asked for some information on one or two marks. Not one to miss an opportunity, I’d arranged to show him one and grab a few hours at the same time. I felt confident we’d catch but I wasn’t expecting to match the lads’ exploits on Orford.

If there's such a thing as reincarnation, this is what Kate Moss will look like if she comes back as a cod. Smudger with a 3lber that should've been 4, the gormless grin comes fitted as standard.

I picked Steve up around 6:30pm in horrible weather. It was pissing down and a gusting stiff Southeasterly would make it hard and uncomfortable, but you know how it is when you've got to go. So the 10 minute drive to Cart Gap would see us catch the last of the flood and as much of the ebb as bait would allow. It's weird round my way, not just because of the locals. Mundesley is a beach about 3 miles North of where I live, in my experience it fishes best on the flood, in fact bait is wasted fishing the ebb there. 3 miles or so South of me is Cart Gap which is totally the opposite, bait is wasted on the flood. The only difference between the two beaches is that Cart Gap has a pronounced gulley where Mundesley is generally flatter. The clever lot among you reading this are thinking things like "Ah it fishes on the ebb because the gulley fills with feed as the tide goes out" and other super theories. Personally I don't care. All I need to know is that it does what it does, the why's and wherefores I'll leave to the thinkers.

We get there and have a quick look. Not only is it wet and windy but there's a surf, a proper one at that. It was obviously coming from a long way off, we hadn't had the winds required to kick up such a froth. They'd had some terrible weather in the far North, they'd even lost a boat and crew out of Anstruther in Scotland, god bless them. It's bordeline unfishable, the wind is against the tide on the flood but will be make it awkward on the ebb. I really fancied it 'cos I didn't expect to see this lovely white 4' surf rolling in off the bank. There was no sign of it as we drove past Walcott, though in fairness we didn't have a proper look.

The decision was made to set up near the slipway because I reckoned we might get washed off the beach at high water. Large straight lug baits loaded onto 3/0 pennels and off we go. Distance isn't that important here, like I said there's a pronounced gulley only 60-80 yards offshore, its a good job too as the side wind was going to hamper any thoughts of real distance fishing. Both rods out and in the rest and heaven, I'm getting my fix. Hadn't finished the first cup of coffee before rod 1 dropped back with a classic slackliner and within a few seconds there's a school bass around the 1lb mark flapping about on the beach.

Apologies for the quality of the pictures, they were taken by retards wth a box brownie. Karl with another Orford 2lber and Smudgers gormless grin.

I love bass, I love most fish but bass are a bit special. If you ask a kid to draw a picture of a fish, they'll either draw a shark or a bass, even down to the spikey dorsal. They are proper fish, beautifully proportioned, lean, mean, eating machines. I like cod too but if you think about cod, they are all head and belly and haven't got those same perfect proportions like bass, maybe its because the bass grows so slowly, I don't know, I do know they're great fun as well as being gorgeous.

I told Steve any fish we got before it ebbed would be bonus fish, now within 2 casts I've had 2, both 1lbish and both pristine, scale perfect fish. "It's going to fish its nuts off when it ebbs Steve" I said, it didn't quite but I managed another 3 as the bait started to disappear and Steve managed 1. I would guess the biggest would've been around the 1.5lb mark, the rest like peas from the same 1lb pod. It was a cracking night, even the rain stopped and the wind eased at high water (as it often does) and it turned into a lovely mild night. Steve's good company too, despite being a Spurs fan and a cockerknee. As the tide and wind receded I manged to cast to the bank on the seaward side of the gulley. There was a nice surf on there and I picked up my last 2 fish on the last 2 casts. I'd only got 50 worms and I reckon I would've sneaked a few more off the bank if I'd had the bait.

So I didn't manage codling (surprisingly given the sea), dogfish and whiting like the Jolly Boys did on Orford, but I had some cracking little bass on a night where I didn't expect anything. Result.

I can recomend shoe shopping and the stress of fitting a new kitchen as a good form of contraception, here's how they do it in Northants, 100% effective apparently. I may suggest it to Mrs Aitch....

PS

You can leave feedback via the comments box at the bottom of the posts, I'd appreciate it. I'm not just writing this to help with my Tourettes Syndrome, so give me some some idea as to how I can improve it.