Driven to distraction..

Fishing gets under your skin, anybody that fishes more than just "occasionally for fun" knows how it can drive you to despair. It can cost marriages, friends, vast sums of money and sometimes you have to wonder whether the results are worth the effort.

I got an email from a dear friend, I've reproduced it below. I've omitted his name to hide some of his shame, no wonder he's at that "is it all worth it" point, enough to drive any man to distraction or worse to knitting..

I'll tell you what mate. I've had a f***ing gut full.

I get down to the beach and I'm fishing for half six. The sea is perfect. Absolutely perfect. The nightmare begins.

Although it was fishable, weed was a proper pain in the arse. Down to one rod at times. It was like that all the time I was there. Guess what. No fish, no crabs, no bites, and no more f***ing enthusiasm.

About half eight these two women (thirties, slim, attractive) come down the beach walking their dogs, a terrier and a doberman. Well there wasn't much dry beach, just that corner where we fish, but they set off northwards. Next thing, they've disappeared round that first point, bearing in mind there's a big sea and it's still flooding. Oh dear. As it started getting dark I was packing up and they still hadn't come back. Now I am concerned.

I packed my kit away and started walking down the beach in the direction they'd gone. Going round the first point I get hit by a wave and get a proper boot full. What joy! Anyway I hadn't gone much further when I spot them both walking back towards me so I turned round and went back to my kit, picked it up and trudged off back to the car.

By the time I get to the car it's almost dark. I've got the rods in the car and the rest of the kit is on the floor when they turn up.

"Thanks for coming to check on us" they say. I explain how dangerous it is down there when the sea's like that, why I was a bit concerned as it was getting dark, how I got knocked over by a wave last winter, and about an angler getting washed away at Kessingland. (did I mention I won the memorial match? - ed)

Next thing I turn round and stand on the terrier which screams and squirms from under one foot, and straight under the other sending me flying. Just for a laugh the doberman gets all protective and bites my f***ing leg! The only good thing was it bit me on the boot and the teeth didn't make it through my bib-n-brace, but it's a bit worrying having an angry dog at close quarters when you're on the floor!

Anyway, when I'd dusted myself off, the dogs both came over and made their peace (and they were both very friendly), and I apologised to the girls for nearly killing the little one, and made it home without further incident.

I'm left thinking, why me? I'm not a bad person. I haven't ever DELIBERATELY run over any old people, or cats (well there was once but it was a long time ago).

I need a new hobby. One that doesn't involve water, women, dogs, weed, long walks, short walks, physical effort of any kind, or much expense.

Do you fancy forming a knitting circle?

Stick your hand up your arris man and pull yourself together before you degenerate to this!

When I see him next I'm going to get one of those crystals, you know the ones, you hang them in front of your eyes and they hypnotise you and make you believe you can do anything. I should think that it'll work for him, it works for Scooby Doo..

Look into my eyes, not around the eyes, look in my eyes