Plans and schemes..

It's getting to me. No fishing since mackie bashing with Nobby and too much work and I'm starting to go cold turkey. I start thinking I might have a go Tuesday night, so with that in mind I ring Genocide to see if he's got any ideas...

Me "High water at 20:00, westerly wind after 2 days of north up to 17mph and the weathers set fair. I fancy a go at the gaps or Cart Gap next Tuesday".

Genocide "I can't mate, we have so much on at work and I can't go in to work after a late night fishing, I won't be able to concentrate properly".

Me "Have you gone mental?".

Genocide "I'm going in today for 5 or 6 hours just to get ahead of the game and I'll go in bank holiday monday too".

Me "Seriously mate, have you hidden some cameras somewhere, is it a you've been framed job? You're fecking scaring me now your like one of those stepford wives without the nice tits".

I daren't risk phoning any of the others until I've recovered some composure, two days later and I'm still shaking like a shitting dog. Imagine if Nobby told me he couldn't fish because he had a salsa lesson with Ursula it would just about finish me off. I'd be looking for the petrol can and a lighter..

PK had a good day down the river Friday with DD, he reckoned he had 50lb odd of skimmers. They make me laugh when they talk about skimmers round here, to me, a Lincolnshire lad brought up on the Trent and Witham, a skimmer is a bream up to say 1.5/2lb. If your from Norfolk its as black as your hat and weighs around 4 or 5lb, they're not proper ones until they're between 6 and 9. I'm going out Tuesday morning with a mate to get some coarse bits, I'm determined to have a go before the autumn sets in and I get focused on whiting and codling.

I'll also pick up some cartridges while I'm out Tuesday, I haven't been for a while. My best field has pigs on it now so I can't shoot, I'll have a word with Johnny and see what he's been up to. I did mention it to Nobby, his brother inlaw is a farmer and he was going to sort out a shoot on his land, sooner the better I say.

Mrs Aitch is applying for jobs, I told her there's something wrong with my eyes. She said why whats up with them, I said I can't see you going to work.

Speaking of the lovely Mrs Aitch, I bought her one of those mood rings. She thought it a nice present but with me there's usually a motive, its a fishing permission indicator. The idea being if it's that pretty pea green colour its safe to ask her if I can go fishing. If its not safe the ring leaves a deep red spot on my forehead. I got wrong the other day for sending her some texts, she said "you know I hate texting", I said "well shut up and listen for a change then". That went down well.

Right I'm off before I turn into a slim and attractive Bernard Manning, hopefully there'll be reports of a few fish this weekend, give us all a bit of inspiration, feck knows we need it.

"Eee my mother inlaw, fat as f*ck she is"